we made out on top of his cat.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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