mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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