I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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