found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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