My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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