When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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