Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
