in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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