Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
