I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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