this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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