I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
