She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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