I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
