I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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