I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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