chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
