There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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