You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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