even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
