I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
