this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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