he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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