Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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