He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
