chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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