I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
