fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
so much tequila, so little girl.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
