I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
