The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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