I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
