if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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