she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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