physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
