It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
