Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
