so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
