FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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