So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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