Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
