gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
