y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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