If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
