Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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