How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
