Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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