I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
