Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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