Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
