i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
