Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
