All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
