Dual....:-)
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
