I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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