Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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