It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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