in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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