I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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