My hand turned me down
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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