She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
