I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
