I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
